No thank you, Ariana!), but that doesn’t mean we have to stick with it. What is there to say about sixty-nine other than: who wants to think about numbers when they’re having sex? Yes, Ariana Grande dedicated a song to the position (34+35, even more math. The rebrand missionary deserves! Old name: Sixty-nine (alt: 69) Gentle bodyslam alludes to the kind of full-body contact one might expect from missionary, with the added benefit of making it seem extremely fun from the get-go. “Hey, do you wanna try the gentle bodyslam?” You’re already having more fun saying it than anyone ever was saying missionary. However, with a name like missionary, you’d never know that. Missionary is a classic and sometimes gets a bad rap for being “ vanilla.” The name certainly isn’t doing it any favors! Is it the most electrifying position? Not necessarily, but a little face-to-face full-body contact is very exciting, especially with the right partner. You know the name, you’ve heard about it, and chances are you’ve probably tried it and loved it. To that end, we think it’s time to remix and reimagine the names of some of the more popular, or at least more well-known, sex positions. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again sex should be fun! But sometimes (a lot of the time), the names certain sex acts have been given simply don’t elicit the kind of endorphin boost one might hope to receive when discussing partnered pleasure. The same can be said for the names of certain sex positions. Not only is thorny delight more fun to say than rose, it lets you know that you’re in for a treat but should probably keep one eye open. See? Not only is a little naming refresh fun and flirty it also might just give you a better idea of what the thing actually is. Okay, so those two options might be a little wordy, especially considering the concise, four-letter nature of the original name, but they’re also fun alternatives to consider! Imagine walking into your local flower shop and asking for a dozen thorny delights or sending a lover a bouquet of prickly plumes. Sometimes, the names certain sex acts have been given simply don’t elicit the kind of endorphin boost one might hope to receive when discussing partnered pleasure. What if instead of ‘rose,’ it was called something like ‘thorny delight’ or maybe ‘prickly plume’? Sure, good old William might not have literally been referring to an actual rose with that question, but let’s imagine he was. Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? Honestly, probably! No offense to Shakespeare, but sometimes a little naming refresh can breathe some new life into an old classic.
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